It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
