too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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