it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
