i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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