and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
