girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Found the puke drawer
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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