Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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