I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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