no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
