I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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