I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
