I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
