i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
