Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
