i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
