She's JV to your varsity
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
