I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
