you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
