go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
