Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
