yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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