I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
