Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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