I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
