i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
