I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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