she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
