My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
