i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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