You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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