Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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