ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
