remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
