The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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