The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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