small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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