Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
