So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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