I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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