Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
