btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
