my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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