im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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