I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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