out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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