So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You can't motorboat a personality
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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