Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
only you would photoshop your dick
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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