I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
