i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
if only i could text you this smell
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
