Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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