Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
