Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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