I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
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she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
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He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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