hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
