so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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