did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
