If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
