An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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