What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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