I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
