Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
