Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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