I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
