I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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